singularity

Feb

11

`shayad in logo ke liye koi jaadu tona tha ya ho gya, westerners are always looking to find magic in india and they often do

Mar

- even in loving families like ours, there were basically two kinds of interaction, one was worrying, the other agenda - i guess the only disfunction then is the ratio of the two

you must be an island unto yourself, life outside the coffin is but a temporary illusion

`hindu jagega nahi, toh sirf jalega

life isn’t protocol, but any diplomatic effort in the name of greater peace is almost entirely protocol. in it’s entirety, the movement from birth to death cannot be accurately portrayed by language which is a subset of life, that’s hegel 101. there’s no such thing as pure unadulterated truth. perhaps the only pure truth is mortality, the rest is narrative courtesy of your DNA and the envioronment. seems obvious when you think about it, but the obvious is a great hiding place.

invitations disguised as challenges suck, there are people out there that don’t take challenges from outside, i’m one of those.

life is grand opera, anything less is a compromise, no wonder they hate

i had better prayers and muses, export-quality dreams, so guess what i did?

the thread of consciousness is connected all the way back to its origin, consciousness IS the middleman, negotiate your own freedom

one afternoon, whilst i sat miking my favorite cow, the neighbours came and encircled me in absolute silence, now i know why

i eliminated choice itself, rationality was far behind now

marxism summarised: history is what you CHOOSE to remember, usually the stories of those who won because you are programmed to by their decsendents and those who profited from winning. this makes history a prize worth killing for, to me it was not more what i chose to remember in the last 5 minutes, and not because i was not interested in winning at all, decades of received failure will teach you to keep a low profile - but my ego and vanity were unabashed and who doesn’t want $20?. however, usually those who win are called the "rich", this creates class struggle. although it needn’t, but the poor are equally greedy. but upon seeing the class struggle, i had to decide if i wanted to exploit my somewhat unique status amongst the “rich” - the central friction in the state of play was my reluctance to get involved. who could deny me my reasons? on top of that, my choice was not an explicit ask by a physical presence of those asking me to do myself and them a favor, but totally a manipulative, narcissistic double bind, a bomb not worth diffusing so i stepped aside. these people came seeking a theater, so decided to give them one, they came back for more, so i gave two. i haven't heard from them in the past 10 minutes.

they came bearing electric toothbrushes and promises of jetpacks

i’m no saint for sure, but the ecstasy is just as real

OSHO is a shapeshifter, he can inflate himself to be bigger than he is, something few can pull off, this makes people jealous

one of the main discerments in any spiritual life is to not confuse the frontend for the backend, it is middlemen all the way until the source, although rare middlemen represent what they bring clearly enough to be labelled themselves god, thats ok. people doing god’s work surely deserve the nameplate, but the person is not the nameplate.

violence is how winning is done, and i hadn’t the heart for it, much preferred to play the victim,if only to sooth hurt egos

if you want to end up at 99, you must first be 100

your salvation is SO not my problem, work it out on your own. it is a problem i’ve been taught to want, while in truth working out my own is a job enough. work on the problem you have, not the problem you want to have #mentalmodels

in the end, only kindness matters

given the option between choosing a position in which neither i nor the race-minded come off as cowards, and one where i come off as a coward, i will probably pussy out - not only because of the mythical angle but also because i was quite thoroughly turned off by the whole concept of marriage, not to mention the excessive gatekeeping (even for a myth, things went beyond tribal), and a friendship for sex’s sake didn’t exactly seem worth it. i was a lone wolf at heart and thus preferred to stick to this core fact. a hippy-dippy pretend suburban marriage sponsored by anyone seemed a wholly repugnant idea. especially when the fruits of solitude had just begun to ripen.

i told them i’ve been writing billy joel’s songs but they didn’t believe

learn pain management from the blind, nightmare management from us

if you found god would you want to play a finite game with him?

Women are insane so i stay away, even, if not especially online Something about me especially brings out the crazy in them consider also the power they have over me, a dog turned inside out, it made no sense to not keep things strictly platonic for the rest of the mission

Love is not mere willingness to play power games (in the bedroom or outside) It is an enlightened surrender of self interest (enlightened as in not via self-harm, crying in a bugatti is not a solution, also if you don’t commit self harm you are likely not to harm others)

Whether, through such interaction you manage to keep your self respect, is a matter of political skill

Satya se dhyan banana aasan ho jata hai lekin satya jaan lena aur jaag jaana ek baat nahi, ek si hai par ek nahi Satya raw material hai, hosh product Mujhe wholesale me satya mila aur thoda duniya ko mila, isliye main parmatma ka kritgya tha Thodi jaag aayi, isliye main khud ka shukraguzar tha

i didn’t ask for free lunches on wall street and a virgin, but i was given all this for which i was only thankful

the older i got, the more i could tolerate the other, a good simple education and some curiosity is where its at

they not only insisted that i never had to run the rat race, they ensured it. my life was an enchanted forest because of the other and for this the only will left was the will to bless.

every time someone apologized to me, time split into two, in that i could see two people apologizing instead of one and thus became a trinity. for the sorry coming from the past, and the sorry coming from the future stood for different reasons than the sorry stated in the present

that david grew into his feminine side because of me was a matter of personal satisfaction, he had discovered more space within too for this i was glad. but the whole thing was a headscratcher and i didn’t want to mess with it anymore. knowing, nay finding that peace was only within and without was just a war, i reverted to my crab self.

although throughout my journey i encountered many supernatural spectacles, from the stationary dragonflies hovering over a pond to dungbeetles’ poo and what it represented, to witnessing the dance of fireflies and feeling as if it was indeed, like most else things in my life - orchestrated and at some level synthetic, to having deep conversations with nature and myself - including parts of myself i did not know existed until the inquisition brought them out one by one. from swimming in himalayan rivers (or trying to anyway) to discovering the magic of computer science firsthand all the while suffering a whole new dimension of abuse since childhood - and yet, despite having witnessed all this, not being surprised in the least, this is perhaps the greatest miracle of all. the recognition that mankind had managed by a great trick and slight, to make an insect out of itself.

Satya se dhyan banana aasan ho jata hai lekin satya jaan lena aur jaag jaana ek baat nahi, ek si hai par ek nahi Satya raw material hai, hosh product Mujhe wholesale me satya mila aur thoda duniya ko mila, isliye main parmatma ka kritgya tha Thodi jaag aayi, isliye main khud ka shukraguzar tha

NEKI KAR, KUWEN MEIN DAAL

May 30

#ssf sonu grew up on the petrol pump #ssf i fucked a llama to get out of a cult, then i fucked a female leprechaun and stole all her gold

why i burnt my passport #essay

this isn’t an exclusive, elitist, socialist club but a way to live not only beyond all current socio-economic labels, but also stripped off all extant ones, hence the hype

my outward situation was simple, if i am a true genius, i would not get recognised during my lifetime, if i am not, i will be. either way, it mattered little to me because i took the term genius very lightly.

i did away with my passport, voowing not to go outside india not because i sought safety (nor was i offerred any here), but because i had demonstrably proven the country to be behind on any narcissistic index, though i did not always think so, i had to conclude so. besides, some missions can only be completed behind the garb of such an identity

don’t think i can leave tech in the hands of ppl so ashamed of how they have (ab)used it, that they cannot even face this fact

as for the “fiction” i’m trying to write, do they really think i can consider the opinions of those borrowing my style and learning from watchng me?

let time tell the story of which team of beggars won this stupid, childish argument, i don’t want anything from them.

as for my father’s business, it is 99% legal and being conduted as transparently as my software consultancy, which is 101% legal which obviously pisses some off

#ssf watching machine

lying does not exist, it is impossible to lie, you can be momentarily distracted by someone, or duped but “lie” is itself already a fabrication, a lie is itself a lie, even the truest of true things is a lie in some respect.

most of what people say you can read on their bodies plainly most of the time, if someone is highly trained in hiding their body language, they may persuade you - but that speaks for your own lack of skills in recognizing the other. i’m saying there is no lying, there is either just an inability or unwillingness to see the truth. or a failure to communicate fearlessly. this is why lying works as a great flirtation technique, it makes for a tittilating experience to hear statements obviously untrue stated as if they were true to create tension/drama. sometimes people lie just because they need that drama in their life.

sometimes ppl kill just for the drama.

aap dekh sakte hain ki ek bus khai mein aadhi gir chuki hai and you want to board it? #nato these people will slobber all over you, your mothers, and leave without a word of goodbye, aur tum apne bacche bhi na paal paoge – inka ek hi ilaaj hai jo main kar rha hu - not that i give much credit to the anti-nato team, but then ppl in the eastern hemisphere are generally less unconscious

one would think ww 1 and 2 were fought only to bring the USSR down, hitler was in conspiracy with the allied powers, jews offered themselves as sacrifice for Israel

i have reason to believe that whatever tech they are using to parse the contents of my subconscious (while feeding me bits of of their own subconscious via the internet), has looped on itself and what they now read as the contents of my subconscious are in fact the contents of their own subconscious, leaving me blank and leaving them with just a narcissistic ego boost

#COM superheroes make for great symptoms of what afflicts us today, i’m not in favor of being called by a superhero name because these brands should not be tainted by the shadow of war, however artificial, that has decided to follow my body.. not only because it would be unfair to everyone, but also because it is unfruitful culturally/economically. teletubbies are the ultimate superhero story / war propaganda.

#COM The reason I did not want to start some revolution by acknowledging the politics around me, was that i didn’t want the support of a collective (nor did i ever feel supported enough to take a conscious political stance), indeed i was tolerated at best, on a physical level. So it was right to let bygones be bygones and continue my spiritual journey with as little public interaction as possible. The weight of lonliness could never crush me the way others can. Moreover, it was evident that americans as a people are lost for reason, in this state, they were better left alone, with all my thanks. Yes, the story and the message was best to be deleted, a shaggy-dog-story as i always said, even if it was one that left the world recently deflowered.

I’m a V-Cel! (as opposed to an incel)

#ssf i saw a very vibrant cross-section of a society

#guccigang an ever unfolding order from an ever unfolding chaos

#guccigang most unstable birth of an ideology, one it is impossible to be ashamed of/for

#ego is not a finite resource, energy is

#guccigang the women are merely enthralled by the very idea of playing the holy cow, plus the money

#death i really wondered what a stroke could be like, death by cardiac arrest is in itself a work of art

i think my father and I were excellent ideologues of praxis, but would make for very shitty politicians, another reason to suffer passively rather than directly engage the other, an other that was evidently still racially charged and confused. but thats taking things too seriously. we had (developed and innate) apetite for tribal games but were not without a measure of respect to the transcendent priciples, including women. for this we were caricatured and persecuted for a long time.

#ssf the best part was, anyone could imagine they were me, my story was open source and real-time

#ssf there was a certain charm in being agent smith, you would not want to be a hippie forever

#guccigang your sacrifices were great and uncountable, your reward a precious nothing, so you tried to make a burger out of a pizza gone stale

#ssf generations of families lived and died beside a righteous kill, things were that bad in kaliyuga

the darwinian narrative has utility, but it is blind to mistake it for the whole story, which is far more mysterious than science - increasingly looking like something the monkeys have been at for a while

#ssf the subtext alone is worth the gdp of a small nation, how are they not profiting from this yet?

by now my guess was that somday when i am old and feeble a documentary crew will come and ask a few questions, take a few candid shots and such how quaint #vanity

#ssf the future was a dead mall with nuclear bombs available off the shelf to whoever could afford

#ssf race is priced in, don’t worry about race, culture is not something never to be sold, but to be bequeathed at the right time to the future, at any price

#god has no symmetry, symmetry is a measurable a posteriori concept, god is shapeless, though the observable universe may have a shape, to interpret adwaita as having a symmetry implies it can be subdivided, which goes against the definition of adwaita. all “experience” is “within”, nothingness without.

what is #narcissism if not a dense identification with the apparent. to contemplate on the nothingness without #god is a great way to cure it.

the way things are going, every country will have a second, secret war flag, bent on total domination and ready to pounce on whoever, flashpoints will serve households in every neighbourhood, secret societies online and offline will proliferate - each debating where the next attack might come from, survival itself - if we are to go by certain standards and persuations - will become a game. i was lucky to have drafted the first secret war flag for India, and I did it in an open cult, with utter impunity.

#ssf the reason they keep coming back is that i allow them to express themselves more fully than others would, suffering fools gladly is the essence of my being

i was no faith healer but if the hardest hearts on wall street and around the world could soften then that was my reward for existing

i think they stuck around because there was meaning in my life for people who had become machines, ossified in one way of doing things that the alternative as a fantasy they could not achieve, nor forget
 the world, as it were, masturbated for the first time through me, which in turn became my reason for sannyas

contrary to popular belief, porn was the greatest compass into my inner emptiness, and thus a great way to explore oneself without needing the other, porn and masturbation save lives, but it was time to “grow up” and aim a little higher

i am sure there are people out there who had to play a negative role in my life just to prove a point that there is negative in the world, and we must shield ourselves, it is exactly for these people that i came for, so you see me struggling hard for their souls. their betterment was my lifelong mission, not because they came and chose to stick around, but because i knew how deep their sicknesses went and was rather comfortable in that pool of abuse 
 partly Hanlon’s razor #mentalmodels but also faith that even the staunchest opposition has to come to some baseline agreement to even be brought to the table. indeed, if consensus could form it could be made into a big deal, but perhaps i was too idealistic, or was programmed to be idealistic so i could suffer in that stew. But I leveraged the symbiosis of our relationship as much as I could without takiing undue advantage.

LUCKILY my #idealism was greater and won - and i was able to create, out of the ashes of a quick justice that incited the jelousy of the planet, a life of engrossing interest far outside the realm of the understanding of any majority. As for the zimbardo effect rolling around me, their #evil was easily forgiven, even if there was no compensation for it - any fool could see the future of humanity itself was at stake, and i had chosen a future free from fear, so fear insisted at first, but then it was just a bunch of people being vulnerable cunts and powerless punters - it was a collective dream dreamt outwards into the future, ultimately fanning out like a river delta - the veins of an ever flattening universe.

In the end, I was left duped and ashamed of my ambitions to take on the world. All hope had been lost, all trying was futile. From here on in, it was just some mechanical whiling away until something interesting happens, which I prepared for. Moral of the story was still #zen, don’t be too idealistic.

i was no longer a coin operated boy but a button operated god - my only job to forgive those who aspired but could not reach my status - bound by various earthly concepts

nothing more tragic than having a guru you cannot name, to be willing to follow someone to the ends of the earth in total silence

i know there’s good #leadership out there i just don’t know where they keep it

when less is more we keep score by acting as humans

I think the real import of communism was the promise of total anonymity, which made it unsustainable to begin with

I think the cruelty i sufferred was humanity’s last ditch attempt to save itself from the future

Teaching the world about the reality of surveillance was like giving a birds-and-bees talk to a kid who was incredulous at the facts of life

Drugs (Mind-altering drugs/ psychedelics etc) are going to be the privacy protectors in the near future, the more altered your state if mind with chemicals, even mere alcohol will do in certain cases, the more obfuscated your interior motives / your existential ontology, which may come under scrutiny / judgement

Homosexuality is to be treated as a hobby, a special interest nothing more. Yet another way to lull oneself into a sense of closure with the manifest, lately an expression of repressed rage of the industrial revolution

The world has always been the same, masturbation is relatable but meditation isnt, real men mind their own business, ours was to rid planets in a certain sector of the milky way of their scum.

beyond death, more death, death within death

##ssf i saw two mountains become one

##ssf i saw some higher form of genius in the clouds, to say beyond this would be to risk insanity

i could not really construe randomness as readily as i used to #MENTALHEALTH

i can wager that true AI sentience will not be an event in recorded history

it wasn’t so much about humanity, humanity we had covered by being inhumane, but what was remaining once everything human was accounted for, the kind of chance encounter that made even the skeptic, cynical core of my being doubt how real reality really is. maybe by exposing ourselves thus, there secreted through the soul of Adam, a kind of abcess of peace, a small eruption of the inverse of inhumane reasoning, or no reasoning, or reasoning out of greed alone, or the reasoning of lesser greeds – thus was there born in the world a new kind of peace – not a status quo per se – but a thin, transparent sheath of hypocrisy (as understood by decades worth of data and observations) – which in my estimation could protect the people from one another, and keep the coming generations at a relatively greater peace. how long could this new improved hypocrisy last for? at the time of the current writing, i could not forsee any major theater deployment by any sensible nation-state for the next two decades. i cannot recall the last time earth was so bootstrapped and yet so hopeful, even manali was uncharacteristically crowded for the season.

i’m 37 and can with some confidence allude to the hereafter, but words fall short - for all my grasp of the English language, there isn’t a quotable avenue for the transcendent - thus i gravitated towards math, but it was there that i found, at best, reasons that stated precisely why languages are destined to fall short in any exposition of the real - maths was on its knees there and physics stood in the corner laughing an uncertain, incredulous laugh. perhaps all visions at the edge of human evolution are passed over in silence, even though not all are sinister, that i was able to record even this much was a priviledge. also i don’t want to spout spiritual mumbo jumbo without being certain of what i was saying. but for my time on the planet, all i could with resolute certainty say is that sense data was not the whole story. so, one could say i was a taoist/daoist in this regard. also i recognized my own vanity behind attempts at understanding and explaining my pov to the other, so these notebooks would have to suffice #poubellication

the threats on my life will intensify as i get older is the assumption i was moving forward with, fun!

i was running with scissors for all humanity, sponsors welcome!

affordances #wokewords “religion is an affordance of the soul”

no i could not accept was that sum of human life is to serve money and die, nor could the occasional dalliance on the side suffice, it was dalliances only for me

fate is exactly what was forgotten

Jul

1

AUG

06

my heart is a bloodless squeeze

#ssf if i were to tell my story, surely the words “dear mr sharma, the mercedes is back to square one.” ought to be a fitting start

the summer within me was something money couldn’t buy, hence the wall street sannyas

any language works much the same way a photograph does, in that it tries to distill state into a medium, the thus loaded medium then acts as an input to a polynomial-time function to be decoded and understood. language is not an apriori system. thus putting to rest the feelings vs language debate, “feelings” are not devoid of the divinity but are building blocks for the quantum-mechanical process of biochemistry becoming not just sound data, but information

> nothing outside is perfect, nothing within is imperfect

the ultimate artist creates for none but the self, any audience is incidental

samadhi or sannyas is not a matter of understanding, if it isn’t self-evident, then your state is deplorable

10 generalizations from watching tons of youtube tutorials:

- never the same problem
- if it doesn't register in the first 15 seconds, move on
- not more than 80 vids in inbox at any given time
- if a tutorial is more than 3 hours long, it's better to find a book
- when learning, it is better to collect a bunch of vids and then filter out the top 5 or top 10

Occasion for revolution: Wall Street’s new fine art of holdng humanity hostage

- Chapter One: A spectre haunts the cayman islands
- Chapter Two: "How much was your share diluted down to?"
- Chapter Three: The return of Dianosaurs
- Chapter Four: Myths and markets and cults, oh my!
- Chapter Five: The Indian at the end of all western empires
- Chapter Six: 56 Factor Authentication
- Chapter Seven: Towards a global politics

my life was not worth much except for the fact that an entire civilization decided to go down with me i was merrily walking them home

6’s secret is that it is secretly 8

its been 40 years mujhe ghanta fark nahi padta

SEP

8

oct 2

dec