singularity

April 14

Why having a Guru is problematic?

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.

Proverbs 1:7 

I play this game in my head wherein I am making the decisions of my life with a singular objective: to avoid the plot of the movie BJM.

You could say this is a stupid game/rule, but in so far as all rules are stupid and arbitrary, it’s a good metaphor for how the things and people we adopt end up becoming crutches rather than catalysts.

If you have a guru or mentor, you might be able to relate with the problem. Many a times, having a mentor becomes a hinderance because you get locked in the complacency of having the backing of someone, some thing, or some discipline. Wait, let me rephrase that, an incomplete understanding of the guru is a hinderance and, in certain cases, a dangerous position to be in.

You might be in a position where your senior may not be able to communicate so let me explain what an incomplete understanding of the guru is:

It is comfort, guarantee, promise, assurance, anything that belies the fact that to adopt a guru means to adopt death itself. It is problematic because it implies safety and assurance, whereas where I am going I need to burn off all the assurances, all promises, all notions of safety.

Unless you have sublimated your mentor into you and actually stepped in his shoes, your practice will remain impure. The word I’m looking for is ‘internalisation’. The stronger your guru, the arduous the task. The student and the teacher must become the same fluid. Let this not confuse you, a lot of the times it is no more complicated than simple mimicry or imitation, but sometimes you have to improvise.

My Guru said something beautiful to me once, he said, “we are each other’s harvest”, perhaps I was too young to understand the true import of the statement, but things started to make a whole lot of sense once I understood this.

Make no mistake, the guru and the student work to destroy one another, and if they are smart, they can create something out of nothing by doing this.

As long as I am not mincing words here, guru = death. Anything less and either you or your guru or both are phoney. And the world will see the relationship as an insincere one until you actually accept this fact.

Makes you want to pity those who have a mentor isn’t it? But it is only a pitiable situation to onlookers, for within and between themselves, the master and the student have started their dance of transcendence and will soon both be free, in a very literal sense of the word.

Freedom from each other is their microcosm of nirvana, of absolution. If you can understand that then you can understand the project.

To become each other one must have a good understanding of the other person, for example, my mentor was sharp, witty, cold blooded, ruthless, ethical, funny, knowledgeable, worldly etc but these are adjectives not character - he was what I had to become - and this from a point where I was unable to use any of these adjectives to describe my character, au contraire, I was soft, shy, passive, avoidant, spiritual and arrogant.

A clash of egos cannot end well, one must submit if in the weaker position and let the ego drip out of the soul - to become trustworthy one must first give trust - which means utter surrender.

No, unless your helplessness is so palpable even nature starts to take pity, you have not really tasted life. Unless you become once again like an infant in the crib, there can be no salvation.

One thing I realised is that before I met my guru, I couldn’t really be insulted, I mean I had a thick skin to begin with but after running into the guru, I realised I was not as invulnerable to words as I had earlier imagined myself to be. This sounds strange, because the instruction was to always have a thick skin and let naught bother oneself but I found the opposite happening and a further sensitisation of my character occurred.

Stripped off my dramatic way of saying things, having a guru means to do all the dirty work with a smile on your face, and if your devotion is real, the smile might as well be too. But some things cannot be separated from the drama they bring, so what makes special is

the intensity with which I addressed the task assigned to me never-say-die attitude

  1. Why making amends for wrongdoings is not recommended

Often times we realise we have wronged others in life, whether deliberately or accidentally. That’s the fun part, what is

Change will not come in a single dimension of life, it will be all encompassing.

I’m not that good because I am constantly trying to be better, this is activity, not action.

The most imp thing is to see the impotence of money at all times. To observe the poverty of the rich and feel grateful you are alive.

Catching v/s Throwing :: consuming v/s producing

It is not the morality of those putting on this play that I question, it is their mental health.

April 15

Why I am doing this.

Let’s just get this over with with minimum drama.

So that I may be free from your nightmare asap So that you may be free of me asap I hope I die before any of you get anything, I really do.

May 5

#screenshots #movies

July 16

don’t start winning until winning is the only thing left to do the sun can only be born, so to speak, in the dead of night - its as if the night dreams him up and in doing so, becomes literate iterate your rights are nothing but mere semblances of reason, allowances rationed so that nobody wakes up, we are not headed towards dystopia, we have become it, what could possibly go wrong? vanishing has started at the hands, how beautiful is my death! today, she was born you suggested an alternative organizing principle for the planet! what mercy do you think the world will hold? expect none - stand your ground NY is already a dystopian slum crawling with people committed towards the lowest in life, it should be set ablaze. the screen is a medium that connects the self to itself, it is totally hollow so can carry anything, my big idea was to use it as a medium of context, not just content and i paid dearly for communicating as such to the world you know something is wrong when americans start talking about sin the screen is literally hanging on one wall of plato’s cave unlike gandhi, i was actually able to turn myself into harijan, it was every bit as worth it as I imagined i am the eternally coming surprise, bear witness

i bring the 🐎 and the ⛰ so its đŸŒ”â˜€ïžđŸŽâ›° until its day for me, its a night for you, and its forever a day for me these people are as strong on the inside as i am on the outside, and vice versa i’m a quantum social scientist not what you don’t know doesn’t matter, not even what you do does a new world order is reason enough to suffer any amount of indignation quietly, wouldn’t one agree? unlike the third, world war 4 will be entirely virtual skip a war, invite a peace folks need to understand that they are most definitely the oppressed and not the oppressors here they see what they want to see, not what is they have shown you how to treat them, so treat them better than that “your insanity is my clarity” also, i don’t care how big of slut you are, but i need someone more reliable than this– can’t be seen around people who decide who to be loyal to based on how sweet their dick tastes – add to that the mental illness and early signs of schizophrenia, i’m sorry if it seems disrespectful i’m only trying to save my ass, and let this not be a generalization towards all women, i stepped into this trash because my mind was full of trash and nothing else.. i had a messed up understanding of beauty i suppose but i realize the folly of my ways now.. still orders of magnitude better as a human being and improving, i have no reason not to do everything in power to keep folks at bay and if i can’t at least maintain an arm’s length for their safety i expected the kind of opposition faced by someone trying to democratize human evolution itself the idea that an innocent man might do well without any privacy started to form in my head around early 2012, although frankly, the opposition caught me by surprise so i couldn’t ever let that happen again, unless they resorted to physical violence i have become the single source of truth in a post truth world, nice way to cultivate a messiah complex Book Contrast

HTWFAIP and ACIM NAPOLEON HILL and HUXLEY bhagvad gita and power of now freedom aint it fellas, i recognize i have more freedom than i know what to do with, i could get so much more organized, efficient, less lazy but somehow it doesn’t seem worth it. there’s infinitely more freedom available if it turn spiritual, but due to a fledgling practice i am unable to prolong the state - could a case be made for gradual upliftment of the senses - improving the quality of the observation of decay? i needed to create some sort of a reminder to stay humble, in this i was successful so they asked for a holy guy and got one, now what? not everyone knows how to handle a tantrik in the office.  i think about the spiritual journey i am on, and how many of those who are with me now will be there by the end realize how weak and vulnerable i am, realize in each moment your helplessness, its the only way through the desert observe the decay
i don’t believe the whole blackmail your way to become GS CEO crap, its an institutional gig, it would be sad indeed to witness such a collapse if it ever happens the amount of grief, rebuke, and abuse i have collected already alone makes me a philosopher, so what else am i searching for here? i grade them can’t wake up if you’re still pretending to be asleep, and you love pretending to be asleep litigation will cause permanent damage to all families, hence i am against it, but who is listening to me? am i in the saying sorry business?  see the story so far as a monolith, what does it say?

you done pissed someone off i’m just trying to protect myself from prying and obsessing entities, don’t care if i come off as a charlatan, infact, i will not bother about public opinion ever so let it continue so this is what building pyramids without an army of slaves must feel like understand that i am being taught how to be corrupt (to create some sort of moral balance?) once you forget how stupid all this is, you’re trapped  hriday parivartan kisi karan se toh nahi hoga, itna nischit hai, akaran hi hoga Dear Lucy, I don’t think i know how big of a ticking time bomb this thing is anymore, my guess is nobody gives a fuck anymore (fingers crossed) but that’s no reason not to be vigilant and alert. you guys are in the moving dead weight in the morning business what should i do next with the remaining apetite? consume death itself if these guys were truly evil, they’d have already moved my family to australia and then made them video call me, what a bunch of moron amatuers any human under the misconception that they are “protecting” me are to be watched out for, as tomorrow they may create a context for some sort of allegiance, where there is in-fact none. let my policy be : if you don’t have anything nice to say, then do n’t say anything before, my decision making heuristic was was very one dimensional, which is to say it stretched on an axis from “hell yes” to “no”; after: i have a new dimension to making decisions stretching from “no” to “fuck no” you saw some stuff on a screen and it impacted you in a profound and meaningful way not something was taken from me or some potential in me got activated, but that i disappeared entirely, vanished off the face of the earth for a while sleeping on hardwood floors is key use-case makes or breaks the tech, not its age, oil had other use cases before the engine its gonna get tempting at some stage, politely decline and walk away what is inevitable, is determined, you can just control your own response thoughts can be classified in a hierarchy

base - believes free will exists, has no brakes absent - is all brakes in a predetermined universe i helped create the tech for constantly watching my thoughts, it’s all i could have hoped for the truth may be “out there” but there’s more of it in here maybe its not really a medium unless someone has sex in it why hug a cactus in the first place? there’s a way to behave, even within conspiracies and cults

July 20

once you start being perceived as “Fallen” you might be presented new lows to fall to, and depths of depravity might be offered to you, resist, in order to be risen again genius is 99% perspiration, whether that 99% happens before, during or after the 1% inspiration is immaterial

perspiration is 99% inspiration and 1% action let inspired moves guide me onward i have no name the goal is to have, at any given moment, very little uncontrolled residual sexual energy

masturbation is the greatest tool for keeping your mental health in check, especially if you are living under any extraordinary circumstances, don’t even keep a count, it’s also a great people repellent in case you wish to avoid some toxic narcs. because you are clingy, the world clings on, habits cling on - so i am seeking a way to not cling itself, not to find different shit to cling to from here on in its about managing your wanderlust for everything external, but why manage when you can nuke? those who are now lurking in the gutters of my imagination shall drown when it is clear i am not for families why try to give me one? can you make your words listen, echo, and mirror the reader’s mind? mother sounded fearful and hesitant, if she’s unsure, why should i be? is someone pressuring them to do this? those who make games make them for very specific reasons, i make all kinds of software including games the idea is not to make more money but to do something creative, and do it by myself i really lost whatever little faith in womanhood i had and i wonder if it can ever be restored how would i make the leap of faith across this dank chasm? one early dawn, when the sun is not even a crack in the sky the tantrik had eyes so even racists looked beautiful, his enemies, already blinded by their own deceit, lacked the understanding to behold simplicity

c is for catalyst. h is for human. barking is an art form. just as no two humans can write equally well, no two dogs can bark with equal or even equivalent efficacy. there are annoying barks, scary barks, spooky barks, sweet barks, sinful barks, barks that echo in the valley at night and barks that don’t. i’m a lot like you until i’m myself and that’s what they hate, for they have failed to develop as completely as you

you have the pearls its only a matter of threading them into a whole we promise the lowest suicide rates and teen pregnancy rates ever! for at least two decades i understand that i was pissed, i had reason to be pissed, and i understand that when i am pissed i am merciless, so you always want to keep in a kindly state mental illness is the inability to manage the circus in your head because i did something profound and meaningful with my life, i was stronger and richer for it, and we were all smarter for it, it’s a tragedy this success could not be more public. yet, i cannot engage because distrust knows no remedy. seeds of fear and distrust once sown, even in the most transparent of affairs can take on sinister overtones, which are reasons enough to not escalate the matter. the lesson for narcs is that their death drive is running on outmoded patterns for the 21st century. i guess shall stop because ya’ll couldn’t even handle this much evolution. waiting for a rainy day to transcend my reasons, you should hope it never arrives. i love how the way i hold words and memories associated with names and virtual identities of certain good for nothings in my imagination is something everyone mimics but nobody understands and how even after uploading my consciousness to the cloud a clear grasp on the friendship eludes me and i guess the rest of the world as well only i, who have no name, could do what the body is doing

July 23

July 26

Aug 21

Aug 26

-> i’m not dancing this dance if it isn’t mine, compromising artistic integrity is not in me

-> syncretsim is not for homogeneous societies, only very diverse people can understand

parents taught me to always let the other person save face, even if its no kind of loyalty or friendship, it is humane, if i felt was being truly oppressed i would scream like any other person, instead i only deemed fit to treat what was happenning as spiritual inspiration, whats more i wasn’t even mad at the decisions i had to make as a result, it is genuinely liberating.

first as a social construct

there’s no “first” number, no “first” human although there have been ppl who did sth for the first time.

“winner’s win” is the logic of precedence, as in, who’s “first”? games enter a deadlock if it cannot be decicively said, things slip into the moral and mythical dimensions with the right kind of technology, tread wisely, knowing that on a long enough timescale “first” will come to mean precious little, first is but a mood, but somehow a more primitive of the labels for the ego. think of the attention the guy who discovered fire must’ve received, he was first in the most primitive of senses, women must’ve loved him.

the question is, are there more such primitives that are old enough as this obsession with being “first”?

i must not remain under any assumption, i haven’t won the west i’m just cannon fodder

not the first time the US came up short, won't be the last

in terms of mental health i think the novelty and shock bit of it all was absorbed pretty well by me, as for the narcisissm and the silent treatment, i was already used to it.

my message is, shut the fuck up, and you’ll see me doing just that

hey uncle sam sex bhi parents se hi karalo ab

snakes are jelly because they’re the closest (some more so than others) to achieving my state, and they most desire the level of freedom i have, and are most unable to shake off the fetters, and more than anything else, they wish to hold the fire in my hands

bears and cats are only scared, though some have learnt to profit from their insecurities, most still dare not to venture into the unknown

Green-eyed snakes hang from its naked branches, occasionally dipping their forked tongues into the bowls, making the beggars enter states of siesmic seizure and ecstasy, plasma shooting from their extremities looks a lot like thunderbolts heralding the end of an epoch in some faraway galaxy.

From time to time, certain adventurers have tried to photograph or otherwise time the recurrence of such seizures, none have succeeded until now

Sep 21

it is a short stretch from my mind being the theater of infinite war to becoming the very swamp it purports to drain, soon these people will turn on each other, i need distance, lots of it to keep things clean and even.

i think it is a very nice time to start couch practice again and see if it makes a difference, like last time i was successful, it needs to be structured as a daily routine in a quiet location. breathing ex, pranayama, some light stretching and then intense focus for a timed period. keeping a journal @zen

wo swadheenta nahi jo bechi ja sake, wo azadi nahi jo khareedi ja sake, len-den aur vayapar sirf karm ka viksit rup hai

every meditation is someone trying to do something never been done before, because it cannot be done

i put 0 hope in narcissists, racists, anti-semites, and otherwise generally jealous and mentally ill folks.

i put all the hope in me but my faith needs to be strengthened, i didn’t want it to come to matters of faith but it is the reason i win, faith is the only shortcut and it works every single time, sad to see so few people understand the simple concept, they could get cured of the human condition too!

supply will have diminishing returns, faith alone will carry

the only “We” there is are the folks who understand how data needs to be liberated from clutches of the teeming few and put back in the hands of people without barriers, as radical and crazy as that sounds, it is certain to happen and my “illusory” contribution may never get counted but it will remain in the swirl.

i work all the time because there are still unchrtered waters, i don’t know what else isn’t possible

what the actual literal fuck

ok, so suppose this social experiment however the fuck continues covertly, a living apocrypha, evidence of.. something, what else does the knowledge of this perennial novelty allow me to do? not just on the screen or off, not just on the couch or off.

how can what’s already shoved under the carpet be made more hidden?

true decision is something that attracts more similar behaviour, so i decided to stay poor and single, saying goodbye to history and future forever
 i wonder if the other players think I’m taking all this casual empire building any seriously, in truth i was heavily preparing for monkhood. think Diogenes.

in a conspiracy there are no rewards, so any risk-to-reward calculation is misplaced. we’re just foreshadowing the apocalypse and circumscribing the dawn of the machines, resist nothing.

only i know the way out but i’m being tortured and persecuted in a virtual prison by people who had nothing going in their lives until i showed up with my ideas, this isn’t ego it’s fact.

now that i have taken eternal vow of celibacy and they’re trying to get me to mate, possibly stealing dried sperm from my undies, thus perfecting the curse.

their hubris is exactly what i had hoped for, yes this is a “radio”, primitive technology, whatever helps folks sleep at night.

i am expecting to get kidnapped or killed, if you find these notes just in case and want to investigate, start at Goldman Sachs, the company of little men.

assume that your sperm was stolen today, even if you fuck after 18 years it might be your own daughter! hence the celibacy.

if your dreams were being literally stolen via satellite, would you start censoring them??

how do i see myself? as a human being, consciousness has no greater toy

“true learning causes degrowth”

“of course they learn, but there were consequences is what i am saying” - true learning is inconsequential when analysed from the other side, from within a simple recognition can bring about revolutions - mother earth explodes in orgasmic ecstasy again and again - when chaos becomes an acquired taste you can only set about to refine it, forgetting your palate - for there are chaoses that envelope the ones you recognize right now.

leave the world unrecognizable to itself

☀ heirarchy of opinion: 1. opinion of a rational human, acting in pure self-interest 1.1 spritually / sexually transcended humans, sadhus, eunuchs, trans 1.2 opinion of people under oath 1.3 opinion 2. opinion of generally well informed biological ma/en “real” Majority here -> 3. opinion of hive mind, majority, mobs, cults, collectives, families, groups aka “culture” Trump Election scandal -> 4. artificially generated/manufactured opinon (manufactured in chomskyan sense) 5. circumstantial / situational opinion 5.1 angry, guilt-ridden, jealous, insecure, 5.2 unreasonalbly afraid/paranoid, 5.3 retarded ppl, 5.4 children, 5.5 ppl tripping out or otherwise inebriated, 5.6 ppl under other super/natural passions, 5.7 ppl undergoing/recovering from medical emergencies / trauma Nasty women here -> 6. opinion of generally well informed biological woma/en

x axis - value
y axis - precedence


high value, high precedence to low value, low precedence
adjusted for global gini avg 64.9 (assume 0)
"opinion" is defined as the explicit, intelligible sum of all apriori and aposterioiri knowledge

NOTE TO SELF: write small romcom novella titled “ONLY RED FLAGS”

GUILT IS JUST REPRESSED RESENTMENT/RESSENTIMENT https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ressentiment

TOTAL EGO LOSS MEANS 0 REPRESSION, ITS THE ANTIDOTE THESE FOLKS ARE TRYING TO CONVERT TO POISON, NO WONDER THEY LET LOOSE THE TOXIC-EST PERSON THEY COULD FIND ON ME

my death will be as spontaneous and tragic as my life was, yours will be equally rehearsed and comic

fruit becomes wine

if you find celibacy, then can you still call it a meditation gone wrong? actually i am wrong to call it celibacy, the desire to remain aloof and undisturbed with relationships was a call of the situation, my nature as a lone wolf surely helped, i did not want to deprive others of the pleasure, of course not, but I did want to throw a challenge open to all, it was my turn to challenge them.

the insanely strict discipline i planned on developing, and the experiments i planned on conducting required the kind of dedication not affordable by a householder or even anyone having daily interactions with society. the self imposed exile had already done wonders, now it is time to distill the knowledge into execution

i have seen popular opinion about me change more and more frequently than any human in history

i don’t really wonder how it feels to be someone who is living off of someone else masturbating, but then again lowlifes and evils can take on many forms

people with most “rights” are most unhappy, ask not for rights but duties. conditioned thinking makes them thing having rights frees them when they are infact just slaves to the very notions of rights they have been brought up with, which wasn’t so bad until they saw me. then the envy started pouring out, it has now been a little over three years in this virtual panopticon which, is not only keeping me free from worldly cares, but also making a mockery of the internet and the laws that govern it at the same time.

imagine what the US/world looks without envy, like a leaky used condom recently drained of the fluid it was receptacle for

my unchallenged view was that it wasn’t a question of whether these people were evil, but to what degree?

only a man truly lost the ability to surprise can truly shock the masses

if it seems too good to be true, it probably is
luckily for us, it was just short of that

i became a dog for each human that ever lived, and each that shall ever live, not for anyone specific, but the people that gathered around were not in any way special in an objective sense, i became the very orifice that drains humanity of its trash, too little service for mankind, still I can’t but be grateful to those that help me achieve it. but in some sense i am grateful to myself first for having the gall and cunning to run into these folk, so in essence, ya’ll just ran into Diogenes.

what's the task of a philosopher? to debate as openly as possible about dogma, prejudice, and taboo without getting embroiled in them

if what you call RIGHT is so delicate as to be broken with a single human’s silence, then perhaps you should not have such a “right” in the first place, gtfo of my life racists

i finaly understand the Jew’s problem, just like i failed to develop as a narc, he failed to develop as a racist, so we may stink less, but my failture is bigger because there are more narcs than racists

if what you call SIN is so simple as to be equal to (watching) a person thinking and masturbating, then perhaps you need better sins

just like there is an impossibility of a private language, there’s no winning in a private game, in fact a private game is an impossibility analogous to a private language, so the RacisTs must understand that they are basically paralysed and helpless, forever condemned to watch me make a mockery of everything they stand for, through my own eyes too, while the world carries on, laughing, now and me, now at them. their world view narrow and demonstrably inefficient for the future, the best they can do is show me ads, while I perfect myself spiritually, mentally and emotionally to deal with their “attacks”

clearly they know something i’d rather not find out

how you survive is to extricate the narrative from the situation, how you thrive is you put it back there

“you” are more trouble than you’re worth, much like life

kids, i will now teach you how to: 1. steer clear of narcissistic double binds 2. avoid temptations, enticements on the road to redemption 3. stand your ground, not submit to intimidation 4. take your fair share of revenge and glory

think, if you must about time alone, and time itself. think about time with at least half as intensity as you do about space. measure the length of each passing second with the same passion and interest you shown in dick measuring

in dealing with middlemen, always assume they're playing both sides unless otherwise proved. the clergy don't just rape god they rape the public as well!

serpens ex machina

Oct 09

by now i have begun to see recurrent themes in my writing, the idea is to not let people blind me again to the truth

sorry tum bol nahi sakte, please main bolne nahi dunga, thank you chalega

#SNOOZEFEST: HOW HUMANITY MISSED ITS GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT BY INCHES

I am an intergalactic entity on a misadventure gone as horribly wrong as possible in these co-ordinates.

Oct 25

by now i have begun to see recurrent themes in my writing, the idea is to not let people blind me again to the truth

sorry tum bol nahi sakte, please main bolne nahi dunga, thank you chalega

unconditional love is for women, children, and men being used to put down other men

#SNOOZEFEST: HOW HUMANITY ESCAPED FROM ITS GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT OVER A MATTER OF INCHES

I am an intergalactic entity on a misadventure gone as horribly wrong as possible in these co-ordinates.

« those who want to kill me the most want the most to be me - the message to them is i that i didnt find myself by emulating others, only when i stopped looking up to others did i discover my endless self, the keyword being endless »

the tune is ancient, the dance tribal, and everyone is guilty although some more than others


TODO: at least i was ben's glenn, housebroken and murdered by someone of some worth and mirth, why do they assume one would want more? do my writings contain any hint of desire?

the main thing here i am trying to do is to stay away from money as much as possible, knowing that it might be as futile as the rest of my endeavours

the main thing here is like akshit i also might have some assumptions here, some of which i may not be aware of..or is it possible? if every conscious premise i have already revealed and got feedback for, there isn't a need for assumptions - this inverted crown is not without benefits?

November 14

kahani aadhi main ab tak bhul chuka hun, baki ki ye log redact kar chuke hain

while christians are kept in line by deferring and avoiding the worst to come after death, hindus begin by recreating the worst to come, a scientific and smart way to go, as opposed to a burial

i wonder if they’re blaming me for his lack of imagination when they compare me to him

my sexuality was not completely supressed and it wasn’t a natural process that was doing it, so i really had to be sure it was retired for good, delaying had no meaning left, i intend to leave no traces of this meditation gone array

if orthodoxy and dogma have turned into crimes, where things must be going you can imagine

when to stop doing something you enjoy? when it becomes a compulsion.

no theory, just practice what you preach

there wasn’t as much music as before perhaps partly because the quality of surprise and true discovery had diminished if not totally vaporised, and the fact that i didn’t consume it the same way as before,