The temperature outside is 11˚, which is cozy and there is a slight drizzle with an overcast sky which might last for a few days. I am enjoying my newfound status as a monk and am certain which way I want this tale to go. Nobody’s gonna like it, but when has that ever stopped me?
We practice a lukewarm and tepid form of love which is irritating to all, i’d rather face society’s unbridled wrath in April following my own bliss rather than submit to money.
I’m all out of data which is nice for a change. Lying in Chitra’s bed under this quilt and I miss her.
They think I repressed my sexuality as a kid, which is obviously not the case, in this respect also my second childhood mirrors my first, I didn’t shy away from doing what I wanted then, and I don’t now. The trauma was there both times, now much more than as a kid, and I think it turned me from people permanently. Now I have resolved to avoid society generally and try to survive. The one biggest difference between my two childhoods is my growth.
At the same time, the onset of religion in my life has greatly subdued my libido, now it is happy to see lust being drained out of me, and quite rapidly as well
I think it was just my misfortune to run into some of the worst people on the planet, this has been a pattern in my life, I eat some narcs for breakfast and am slightly better off for it. I do think I am in for some manipulation and tactics, but these are not the truth and so a polite decline is all these guys are looking at unless they resort to violence, in which case ….
Just so everyone knows I am not lying, there are no plans to quit smoking anytime soon, I will manage and control it, but will take this habit to the grave, if only out of spite. Or not, if I can achieve a complete surrender to the body, it might be possible to truly become a monk because you can use the same formula for quitting sex as well, or even eating?
I think others and planning and plotting in vain, they should just read these notes and know that I am telling the truth here, if only here.
What a strange place the world has become! The idea is to die to the self in each moment, so that when death comes, you have enough practice.
I still believe I am right, or at least I am innocent, if not naive. but if confronted i can give a faux apology if it satisfies them
I believe it is not a matter of trust anymore but of taste, and my tongue has tasted the sublime, cannot bring myself to care for the basic anymore.
I believe I can guard my body from external aggression and manipulation and don’t think my life is in danger.
Feels like these people are stuck watching the finger I am using to point to the moon I am trying to show to them.
Alas. But then, it is never easy to give yourself to god.
I am starting to have some pretty nasty thoughts about these guys, so I should try to think of Mother Teresa or something when this happens.
Raining outside.
☀️ I am not acting precious or morally superior when I say I am not to be touched, just exercising my right
if something happens or someone come with or without a video, just remember the only real thing is your poverty
A sannyas received from wall street is the most precious thing I own, can only get raped now and I dare anyone to
If old people are hell bent on living their fantasies through me,
I am hell bent on living my fantasies through them.